New Year’s Resolutions 2018

I’m gonna get a head start. Because if you can start achieving goals before the holiday season when the peer pressure to throw all responsibility to the wind is at its peak then…I figure you’re sure as hell capable to achieve those silly goals AFTER you’re done eating pumpkin flavored everything for 3 months straight. So I guess I might as well just start now in order to cushion the blow when I wake up on New Year’s Day all hungover like….”fuck…I didn’t even finish my 2017 resolutions, now I have to make NEW ONES??!!???!!”


So here’s what I want to do in the last 6 weeks of 2017:

  1. Have 5k in my savings account
  2. run a consistent and comfortable 10 minute mile pace for 7 miles without stopping.
  3. buy some jeans that actually fit me
  4. learn how to make fish like my mom does
  5. Eat some different kinds of vegetables…because I kind of only eat the same vegetables all the time….I’m a creature of habit
  6. Find a place to live. For real this time. Like in Ventura or something that way I can jump on job opportunities in LA but also be home in 2 hours when I miss my mom and dad. And my friend Micaela. And Gicel. And Amanda. And this super hot guy that I’m kinda seeing but I won’t name because I don’t want him to have a bunch of random creeps sending him death threats, (Not even trying to sound cocky at all there — people are just fucking crazy though, you guys have NO idea hahahaha).
  7. Get rid of this fucking cold that has been sticking around since September
  8. Get over my fear of Game of Thrones (I’m extremely squeamish when it comes to gory stuff…but everybody loves that show and I don’t wanna be a pussy so I’m going to make myself watch it and build my tolerance for seeing gory images…because right now the thought of getting a flu shot makes me wanna pass out and I can’t hang with the big kids like I’m supposed to).
  9. Be able to do all the cool pole tricks that my friend Micaela does. **for all of you that don’t know me personally, one of my hobbies is pole dancing….cos I think it’s fucking cool and it makes you really strong and I like looking cool and strong alright. I wanted to attach a video at the bottom of this blog so that y’all can see me do my thang but WordPress wants me to upgrade my plan and pay them to let me do that, but I just figured that I’ll just post a video on Instagram soon so that you guys can see what I’m talking about. Or if you reeeeeeeaaaalllyyyyy want to see it just comment your email and I may or may not send it to you depending on how creepy you do or don’t sound. So a simple photo may have to suffice for now. Just know that my friend Micaela is wayyyy cooler and way better at it and my goal is to keep up with her
  10. Try Crossfit. I’m just curious you know.
  11. Bring my alcohol tolerance down. It’s starting to get out of hand. It shouldn’t take more than 5 shots of Patron to get a buzz going. That’s just too expensive lol. I need to cool it. It’s just sooo good tho!
  12. Actually pass my online classes and do the final assignments to their full extent because I don’t know about you but I’m fucking burned out on community college. I got other shit to do.


Yeah so that’s all the shit I wanna get done before the year is out; I know it might sound a little over ambitious but I think I can really pull it off if I try hard enough. 2k18 resolutions coming soon though. I just don’t wanna stress myself out about it right now hahahaha.


Here’s some pictures of me pole dancing:

WARNING: if you get offended by seeing skin then DON’T LOOK AT THESE. HIDE YOUR CHILDREN’S EYES. PUT YOUR HUSBAND AWAY. My ass is all over the place and to just let you blindly go into viewing these photos would be kind of a disturbing experience for you if you’re really conservative or have never seen a butt before. So I’m letting you know right now: YOU’RE GONNA SEE SOME ASS. BE COOL ABOUT IT OK? Thanks


Screen Shot 2017-11-20 at 10.11.04 AM


Screen Shot 2017-11-20 at 10.12.37 AM


Screen Shot 2017-11-20 at 10.13.36 AMScreen Shot 2017-11-20 at 10.14.20 AM


So there ya go. Micaela is way better tbh. Have a great day everybody! Thanks for reading! PS who’s beyond ready for a day off? Thanksgiving here I come!!!




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